Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road?
It had no guts...
How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray...
How do monsters tell their future?
They read their horrorscope...
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately...
Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don't have any body to go out with...
What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Casketball...
What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving...
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite...
What is Dracula's favorite kind of coffee?
Decoffinated...
What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
Hope it's Halloween...
What did the witch say to the midget vampire skeleton?
Bony little bloodsucker, aren't you?...
How did the priest make holy water?
He took some tap water and boiled the hell out of it...
What do you call a vampire who cuts himself shaving?
Self destructive.
Why don't vampires like Red Cross?
They can't stand the competition.
What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It's a pain in the neck.
Why did the vampire give his girlfriend a blood test?
To see if she was his type.
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
They're afraid they'll fly off the handle.
Why do cemeteries have fences around them?
Because people are dying to get in.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
What do little trees say on Halloween?
Twig or treat.!
What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer...
Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're too wrapped up in themselves...
What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich..
What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure...
Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation...
Why did the dyslexic vampire starve to death?
He couldn't find any D-L-O-O-B...
What kinds of ghosts haunt skyscrapers?
High spirits...
How do you make a witch scratch?
Just take away the W...
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